Anger Management! Ha—PsychoTherapy is the Name
by KilalaKurosaki
Summary: What happens when my darling Ichigo and myself take on anime's craziest nut cases? There is only one way to find out! Includes characters from The Get Backers, Death Note, Hellsing, Bleach, Weiss Kreuz, Inuyasha, and Gravitation.
1. Here They Come

**DISCLAIMER:**_**I don't own Death Note, Hellsing, The Get Backers, Weiss Kreuz, Gravitation, Inuyasha, or Bleach. All of those wonder entities of blissful entertainment belong to their respectful owners. **_

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**Anger Management?! Ha—Psycho-Therapy is the Name **

**By: CelticPyroPrincess**

**Chapter One: **Here They Come

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Ichigo asked me, sounding skeptical.

Straightening out the papers on my desk, I responded, "Don't worry Strawberry. Things are going to work out just fine."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Ichigo shouted in a chibi rage.

I ignored him, picking in my ear with my pinky finger. "I think that I have everything in order. My straitjackets even came in on time. So did the tranquilizer guns, the sedatives, and the stun guns."

"WHAT?!" Ichigo shouted. "You need all that?!"

"Yes," I said, smiling sweetly. "We are, after all, treating some of anime's most psychotic SOB stories."

"SOB stories?" Ichigo echoed before he dawned on him what I'd said. "Oh. Sons of a bitch stories."

"Yup. These dudes are pretty dang crazy if I may say so myself. I'm pretty coo-coo myself, so I think I know crazy when I see it."

"You're crazy?" Ichigo asked, looking slightly alarmed.

"Pffff." I waved dismissively at him. "Have you seen me while PMSing?" I chuckled darkly to myself. "One minute, I'm crying my eyes out, and the next, I'm demanding chocolate." I laughed, shaking my head.

"Doesn't sound so bad."

"When I don't get my chocolate, things get violent," I said, turning to my companion. "I tend to attack with anything in my vicinity. Including sharp and hard things."

Ichigo gulped, his eyes wide, and moved away from me. "Should I go stock up?"

"Not for a few more weeks," I said.

There was a knock at my office door.

"Come in," I said, and my amazingly smoking' hot secretary, Schuldig came into the room. The sight of him wearing glasses with his long hair pulled back into a messy ponytail almost made me melt into a puddle of goo.

"What is it?" I asked.

"They're here," Schu told me. "And do you mind telling me why Farf is here?"

"HA!" I barked. "Don't tell me that you don't think that he doesn't need it! He's a God-bashing knife-freak for crying out loud!"

"I agree," Schu said. "So…Should I take them to the conference room?"

"Yeah," I said. "I'll be there in a few."

Schuldig stepped out, closing the door behind him. Once he was gone, I opened the bottommost draw of my desk, and began to pull out some stun guns, and tanks. "You should take some of these, Strawberry," I said, throwing some equipment in his direction.

He glared at me, his eyebrow twitching. "I'm gonna pretend that you didn't just call me that, and ask you why I need this stuff."

"You're my assistant, of course," I said innocently. "You're gonna help me straighten these suckers out."

"WHEN DID I DO THAT?!"

"Yesterday. You told me that if I let you shove your face into my chest, you'd help."

"KON!" Ichigo screamed. "You know that I would never do that, Kilala!"

"I know," I said. "But still, it was your mouth. So what if someone else was using it." I shrugged. "Now let's go!"

"You play dirty!"

"And I love it," I said, leading Ichigo out of the room.

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**ANNNNND the first chapter is up and done! It only took me a few minutes to get it written and posted! proud of self. Well, you get to meet the nutcases in the next chapter. Sorry this one wasn't that funny, but the next will be better as I reveal my clients. Stay tuned, rate and review, and pass on word of this series to you friends!**

**OWARI! _CelticPyroPrincess a.k.a. Kilala _**


	2. Getting Aquainted

**DISCLAIMER:**_**I don't own Death Note, Hellsing, The Get Backers, Weiss Kreuz, Gravitation, Inuyasha, or Bleach. All of those wonder entities of blissful entertainment belong to their respectful owners.**_

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**Anger Management?! Ha—Psycho-Therapy is the Name **

**By: CelticPyroPrincess**

**Chapter Two: **Getting Acquainted

When I walked into the conference room, I only had a second to blink before I fell to the floor, barely avoiding the knife that was thrown at my head.

"WHAT THE FUDGE BROWNIES?!" I shrieked. I looked up, and saw Farfarello standing before me, looking livid.

"What's the point of all this?" He demanded.

"Why'd you throw that knife at me?!" I demanded in return, standing up.

"There are more where that came from."

I opened my mouth to yell, but then, a bullet hole appeared in the wall behind me.

"MY HEAD WAS JUST THERE!" Ichigo shouted, shaking his fist at Alucard who wore a deranged grin on his face—as always.

"You dodged," Alucard said, sounding amused. "What an interesting little boy you are." He readied his weapons once more.

"STOP IT—EEK!" A thick vine had wrapped itself around my waist, and then I was snatched across the room. I screamed the whole time, and screamed louder when I found myself face-to-face with the infamous half-breed maniac, Naraku.

"You're cute," he said smiling. "But I'm afraid that you've angered me."

"LET ME DOWN!" I screamed, my eyes wide.

He grinned, his crimson eyes gleaming.

BANG! Another gun was fired, and then, I was on the ground.

"She said to put her down!" K shouted, aiming his gun at Naraku.

I was relived that I was saved—but the fact that the trigger-happy manager of Bad Luck was my savior kinda freaked me out.

Naraku chuckled, and got himself ready to attack K.

"Oh my," Akabane said, to Gin, smiling. "Such brutes."

The Captain of the 3rd Division grinned even wider. "This is all very amusing."

"THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE TO FIGHT IN THIS ROOM!" Kenpachi yelled, whipping out his zanpatou. He then noticed Ichigo fighting Alucard across the room. "KUROSAKI!" The Captain of the 11th Division screamed.

Ichigo glanced over in at Kenpachi, a shocked look on his face. "OH GOD, KILALA! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT HE WAS GOING TO BE HERE!" He turned away from Alucard, and tore out of the room screaming the whole time.

"NO! COME BACK!" I screamed. "DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH ALL THESE MANIACS!

"That's not a nice thing to say, Kilala," Gin said in a devilish tone of voice. "You're hurting my feelings, now."

I felt around my waist for my stun gun. "Just you stay away from me! I'm warning you! I'm not afraid to open up a can of whup-ass on you, Ichimaru!"

"All bark, but no bite," said a voice behind me.

I scrambled around, and saw that both Alucard and Farfarello stood behind me, both grinning like the insane killers that they were.

"I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU!"

From inside his red coat, Alucard pulled out both my stun gun, and my tanks. My eyes widened, and I gulped.

"You better be," Alucard said.

All of a sudden, K rammed into me, and we both flew into the wall. I hit my head upon impact, but K was fine, considering the fact that my boobs cushioned his fall.

"That crazy guy with the kimono is a good fighter," he said, standing up. He reloaded his gun. "This will be fun."

"OW!" I groaned.

Next to me, the wall exploded as Ichigo and Kenpachi reentered the room. Ichigo had Zangetsu drawn in its Shikai form, but he was too busy running to even care.

"COME BACK HERE, KUROSAKI!"

"LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"

Alucard tripped Kenpachi, and the Captain hit the ground like a Oak tree. "I do believe that the orange-haired boy was my opponent before you chased him away."

Kenpachi had swilries in his eyes.

Ichigo turned around briefly. "GREAT! Now the vampire freak is after me!"

Alucard grinned, and then one second he was next to me, and the other second, he right in front of Ichigo.

"Let's fight, little boy."

"KUROSAKI!" Kenpachi yelled.

"Why don't you fight me," Farf said, licking a knife.

Kenpachi glanced at him, and then jumped up. "You seem strong enough to suffice."

"Hmm," Akabane said, rubbing his chin. "Everyone seems to have a battle partner."

Gin glanced at Akabane. "Are you implying that we do battle?"

Akabane flexed his fingers, and his scalpels slid out. "It would be interesting."

Gin stood, and drew his zanpatou. "Indeed."

As I watched in awe at the horrible scene before me. There was a chuckle in my ear. I turned and saw that Kisuke, along with the Urahara Shoten gang had dropped in for a visit.

"Kisuke!" I shouted, jumping on him. "You suggested that I do this, but look what happened! They're all maniacs! AND I'M ONLY RENTING THIS BULIDING!"

"I didn't think that you would actually go through with this," Kisuke said, sounding like he wanted to laugh. "Look at this mayhem."

"HELP ME! HELP ME, KISUKE! BEFORE I END UP NEEDING A GIGAI!"

"I wouldn't want that to happen," Kisuke said. "Although one more costumer wouldn't be so bad…."

"KISUKE!"

"Oh alright," he said, and whipped out his fan. He held it before his face. "Tessai, Jinta, Ururu. You know what to do."

Jinta cackled. "I'm going after that big strawberry!"

"No!" I said firmly, flicking the young boy in his ear. "He's my assistant."

"Well, can I go after the big strawberry he's fighting?"

"Uh," Kisuke said, drawing Benihime. "I think I'll handle the vampire."

And with that, my saviors dashed off to go tame the savage beasts that I would be spending the day with.

Schuldig entered the room, rubbing his head. "Hey. What happened? I was in the bathroom and I heard fighting."

I sweat dropped. "You missed nothing at all…."

"…I told you that they would fight, but you just wanted to do it."

"SHUT UP!"

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**AND, THE SECOND CHAPTER IS DONE AND UP ALREADY! I am on a roll people! Hope you enjoyed it. There is a lot more on the way, but will only come if I get positive feedback. OWARI!**

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	3. Strip Away Their Power

**DISCLAIMER:**_**I don't own any anime series of my own—YET! :-D**_

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**Anger Management?! Ha—Psycho-Therapy is the Name **

**By: CelticPyroPrincess**

**Chapter Three: **Strip Away Their Power

"How can I ever repay you Kisuke?" I huffed, placing a hand over my frantically beating heart. Within minutes, he and the Urahara gang had all of my monster clients sitting politely in seats, sucking on giant lollipops with frightened looks on their faces.

"How about you meet me back at my place—say around eight-ish. And oh, wear something really sexy." Kisuke gave me a playful wink, and I gave him a very serious shove out of his seat.

"You're cute and all, but you're older than my grandparents…."

"More experience, my dear." Kisuke winked at me, and Ichigo hit him in his head.

"STOP FLIRTING WITH THE GIRL!"

"You hurt my hat," Kisuke pouted, fixing his abused hat.

"Sorry to interrupt you, Mr. Kisuke," Tessai said. "But what are we going to do now?" He motioned to all of the candy-suckling before him.

Kisuke stood, brushing himself off. "I suppose we should take away all of their weapons. For safety issues."

"NO!" Kenpachi yelled around his candy. "A captain's zanpatou is sacred!"

"I have no weapons," Naraku said, smiling.

Kisuke grinned. "Well, your powers are manifested from you spiritual energy, am I correct? You _are _a demon."

"Yes," Naraku said.

"Then, I suppose that this would work." He then slapped a pink smiley sticker on Naraku's hand. Kisuke then held his fan up to his face, but his grin was not covered.

"What is this?!" Naraku demanded. "It's a sticker! What the hell do you intend to do with a pink sticker?!" He tried to peel it off, but as soon as the sticker peeled a little off his hand, Naraku was given a nasty little shock. He feel out of his seat, his eyes wide.

"Aah, aah, ahh," Kisuke teased waggling his finger. "It responses to my spiritual pressure, and mine alone. If you try to take it off, it'll shock you."

"That hardly hurt!" Naraku hissed, and tried to peel the sticker off again. This time, it shocked him ever harder than before.

"Keep doing that, and you'll eventually kill yourself," Kisuke chuckled. "With each successive shock, the shocks get a lot stronger, until they become lethal. The stickers also nullify all spirit energy, and I can focus my own into them to trigger the shock."

"You should be in this workshop, too!"

"Oh no," Kisuke said. "I can control my maniacal urges." He turned to face the rest of the guys. "Now, you all put you weapons in the middle of the floor, and then you can get your Regulation Stickers from Tessai, Ururu, or Jinta."

On one moved, but K. Once all fifteen of his guns where on the ground, Ururu gave him a yellow sticker.

"There Mister," Ururu said. "You're one step closer to being not so crazy."

"Thank you, Claude." I smiled. "Schuldig?" I said.

My sexy secretary grinned, already knowing what I wanted. He stared at the guys, grinning, his hands on his hips. A few seconds passed, and then, all of my clients were screaming and pulling at their hair.

"I WOULD NEVER DO THAT WITH IKKAKU!" Kenpachi screamed, clawing at his face. "NEVER!"

Alucard was on the floor, rolling around with his thumb in his mouth. "God! I never wanted to see Integra naked! Ever! Never! Never! Oh God, my eyes!"

Schuldig chuckled darkly, his eyes taking upon a strange gleam.

Naraku chuckled. "Oh, Sesshy…."

Schuldig frowned, and then concentrated some more.

"Wait…Jaken? OH MY GOD!"

"Where are my knives?" Farfarello said, looking confused. "Oh. There they are. Nagi, why the hell are my knives in your…thong? MY EYES! STAB MY EYES OUT!"

Gin was slamming his head into his chair. "RANGIKU ISN'T A HAIRY, FAT MAN WITH BODY ODOR PROBLEMS! SHE CAN'T BE!"

"Himiko," Akabane was saying. "No, no, NO! NO! DON'T! NO! PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON—AAH GOD, SHE'S BIGGER THAN I AM!"

Kisuke sniggered. "This is fun."

Jinta laughed out loud. "Tell me about it."

Ichigo turned to me. Before he could ask, I answered.

"Schu's a telepath."

"Ooh. Remind me not to make him mad."

K blanched. "I will do everything you tell me to."

"You better sweetie," I said, with a grin.

As cries of anguish rose into the air, Raito (Light) Yagami stepped into the room. He glanced around, looking somewhat amused.

"Hi, Kira," I said, smiling. "You mind giving me your Death Note?"

"What Death Note?" Raito hissed, his eyes narrowing.

I pointed to the black book underneath his arm. "That one."

"You're crazy!"

With a growl, I jumped at him.

"Kilala, NO!" Kisuke yelled, but it was too late. I grabbed on to the Death Note, and then find myself face-to-face with Ryuk.

"HOLY MOTHER OF COW DUNG!" I shrieked upon seeing the rater hideous Death God.

Ryuk smiled, hovering above me. "You got any apples?"

"That's all done," Schuldig said.

All of the guys were curled up in the floor, assuming the fetal position. They are had stickers on various parts of their body, and their weapons were stacked up neatly in the floor.

"Hey, Kilala," Schu said, walking over to me. "I'll take that Death Note thing."

"NO!" I cried, but it was too late.

"HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!"

"You have some apples, cutie?"

Schuldig looked like he wanted to faint.

"These people," Kisuke said, shaking his head. He slapped a sticker on Raito's forehead. "I suggest you don't touch that."

"Why—ARGH!" Raito rubbed his head. "It shocked me."

"It'll only get worse!" Naraku whimpered.

"Look at them," Ichigo whispered in awe. "They're all on the floor, whimpering and sucking their thumbs."

"Their power have been stripped away," Tessai said.

"Therapy can now begin," Kisuke said, laughing.

"How can I ever repay you?"

"Meet me at my place after this, and make sure you wear something see-through and lacey." Kisuke held his fan before his, and winked at me.

Ichigo and I both punched him in the face at the same time.

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**Wow. Three chapters in one day. I won't have anymore up for a while, because my mom is kicking me off the computer cuz she says I stay on too logn. Whatever that means. I hope you liked it! Keep those reviews comin'!**

**OWARI!**


	4. Separation

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DISCLAIMER:

_**I don't own Death Note, Hellsing, The Get Backers, Weiss Kreuz, Gravitation, Inuyasha, or Bleach. All of those wonder entities of blissful entertainment belong to their respectful owners. **_

* * *

**Anger Management?! Ha—Psycho-Therapy is the Name **

**By: CelticPyroPrincess**

**Chapter Three: **Separation

"You all have serious problems," I said, pacing before all of my maniac patients. I paused at Farfarello. "Especially you, buddy."

"Having serious problems hurts God," he said, and I slapped him in the face.

"AS A CHRISTIAN, I FIND THAT HIGHLY OFFENSIVE!"

Farf, not one to be screwed around with, jumped up out of his seat and approached me in a threatening manor.

"Look here, you crazy little bitch," he began with a sinister grin...only to receive a rather nasty shock from Kisuke….who by the way, was enjoying his moment of power.

**[As you may or may not know, Farfarello, the resident psycho of Weiss Kreuz CANNOT feel pain. But because Kisuke is so amazing, he now can^^]**

"Thank you," I said with a sigh.

"Words aren't enough my dear." He winked.

"SHUT UP!" I smacked his hat off of his head.

"My lucky hat!"

And so, I continued pacing, making sure to stay the hell out of Farf's way.

"As I said, you all have some serious problems…."

"Hell yeah," Ichigo muttered.

"And we are here to _help_," I continued with a dramatic sigh. "Now, my loves, I decided that to best help you get over to crazy urges, you need to have courses tailored to your level of craziness. You see, there are those who are psycho-killers…" I looked over at Farf. "Psycho-battle-obsessed-nuts," I glanced at Kenpachi, and he pointed to himself innocently. "And there are the 'I-wanna-be-the-most-powerful-being-in-the-world-and-I-will-do-anything-to-get-that-power.'"

"I'M DAMN PROUD!" Raito shouted. "OW!"

"Kisuke!" I exclaimed.

The sexy shopkeeper extraordinaire shrugged.

"I don't know why, but I find that kid to be very annoying…"

"Now," I continued through gritted teeth. "I want to separate you all…"

Shcu whipped out his notebook, and looked at me.

"Do I have to wear the glasses?" he asked.

"Yes," I whined. "They make you look yummy!"

"JAIL BAIT!" yelled someone.

"HEY, BITCHES, I'M IN THE 11TH GRADE NOW!"

"You weren't when you started this fic," Schuldig pointed out.

"Hey! It was during the summer, so technically, I WAS! Now, please, repair the fourth-wall, and let's get back to this story!"

Schuldig rolled his eyes, and droned. "I have no idea as to what the hell is going on beyond this fanfiction, and I don't know that 'Kilala'-_cough_-BREE-_cough_ is actually only 15 years old."

"I MAKE 16 IN NOVEMBER!" I shrieked. "AND DON'T USE THE B-WORD!"

**_**but November has past, and I'm 16, ya'll!!!!!**_**

"What about the fourth wall?! Let's move on!"

"Okay," I sighed, and smoothed back my hair and checked that it was still neatly drawn back into a bun. "As I was saying, we are going to be separating you guys."

Schuldig grumbled, and put on his glasses. "I can't even see straight through these fucked-up things," he muttered and turned a few pages in his note book. "Okay, the fucked-up-in-the-head-killers are as followed:"

Alucard

Kuroudo Akabane

And, Farfie…

Schuldig tossed some of his hair out of his face. "Go stand over there in the corner, you three."

"The I'm-going-to-rule-the-world-and-make-everyone-suffer-because-I-lack-self-esteem-nuts are:"

Naraku.

"I RESENT THAT! I DON'T HAVE SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES, KNAVE!"

And, Raito Yagami.

"OW!" Raito cried, falling from his chair, convulsing.

"KISUKE!"

"It was a mistake, I swear!" I would've believed him, if not for the dark chuckle that followed shortly after his seemingly innocent statement.

"Up next are the battle-addicts…." When Schu turned the page to start reading the list, Ichigo interrupted him.

"You know who you are, you battle-obsessed nut!"

Kenpachi glared at him. "Let him read the freaking list, Kurosaki!"

Kenpachi Zaraki.

"Is that all?" he demanded.

"Um…yea…"

"I'LL DESTROY YOU ALL!"

"And lastly, the just-plain-creey-slash-in-need-of-mental-help are:"

Gin Ichimaru

And, K….

Schuldig closed his notebook, and threw his glasses off. "Thank God," he sighed.

"BAD GLASSES MAKE---ARGH!"

"Thank you, Kisuke," I sighed, rubbing my forehead.

The shopkeeper grinned, but before he could respond, Ichigo slapped his hand over his mouth.

"Just...please. No more. Please."

"..." Kisuke glanced at Schuldig, and the telepath shrugged.

"He doesn't seem jealous to me."

"WHAT?!" Ichigo shouted. "JEALOUS OF WHAT?"

Kisuke chuckled, and Schuldig looked at him like he was crazy.

"SHE'S ONLY 16!"

"Ugh....I don't want to know...." I muttered, walking away.

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**Dude, this was short...and it took me FOREVER to update. Sorry guys, but I've been busy with school and my other series at you should go check'em out...and leave a sista some comments, please!!!!! Oh....and most of the stories are catered to females, so yeah....**


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